Jana's Journal

9:51am: holy shit, this summer totally blows... i have calc 2 which isn't bad, i'm pulling off a pretty high a in that class, but physics is kicking my ass, and all i want is a D, but i don't know if i can pull that off. figo started doing some pretty shitty things to me, like cutting my pay $4 an hour, and moving up all the people i trained. but thats alright, i'm removing myself from that establishment and landing down on apres diem, hopefully, unless they've hired someone else. i saw harry potter with whitney and bijal the other night. it was really good, but since i was sick from the morning i was sniffling through the whole movie and everyone thought i was crying. other movies i've seen this summer: supersize me- amazing, coffee and cigarettes- amusing, i've seen others, can't remember.

well the lasch had their first real show last night, i couldn't make it to see my own band play because i had a date with figo and physics last night. and all the dates i've had with both of those has prevented me from...really practicing or for that matter being in the band. but i guess thats alright, i think i would have slowed them down. at least i'm good at typing quickly.

i can't wait for this summer to be over, so then i can go back to normal classes and not freak out about school. which reminds me, i have an issue with the physics book we are using: physics for scientists and engineers,...which i believe i'm niether. i think i'm going to have a talk with sabir over this one. maybe they'll devise a course called physics for designers, i'd take that...

thats prett much my whole summer, i've been trying to go home, but work has prevented me. i'm done though, in like 7 shifts, then i can go back to sunny fla. whitney is moving on to france, paul works and practices a lot. and erich does everything except what he needs to do...i.e. under the couch and music instead of finishing the project for my mom ,and destin for vacation...but i love 'em, so what can you do but ask a whole lot of times. or at least as many times as i see him because i feel like i haven't seen much lately...

9:45pm: oi, my birthday isn't until december 2nd...wooohoo the big 20. damn i'm so young. ha oh well. no one knows what happened (appearently he's "sick") ...but i can't understand that he's too sick to grade our work, so the dean is coming and re-reveiwing all of our work.
my instructor now is the one i had last semester, and she was awesome, so life is good, and i have really fun group members for our project (one is from columbia and the other one is from ethiopia)
uhhh..i got a job! i work at this crazy pasta place, its really good..and i make really good money, esp. for having one of the lower paid jobs..
you should tell me the next time you plan on coming to atl, so we can hang
.jana.

..i guess that sums up whats been going on..

8:29pm: ahh, so i'm back from spring break..and it was so crazy
so erich and i were going to new york, right?
well here's what really happened..
we got to the airport on time! holy shit, the airtran line went the length of the terminal and back. it was so bad that airtran employees were taking pictures of it... it was bad. so, we missed our flight. no problem, we'll catch the next one...nope! the next one was at nine at night, so we went to tallahassee instead. bah, good old tallahassee, maybe we'll get to go to the beach...
so we just hung out for the rest of saturday and sunday, and got in a pretty bad disagreement on sunday night that led to hard feelings, but they were quickly cleaned up, and some of the best things anyone had ever said to me came out of erich's mouth.
monday we left for the beach. we went to ft walton, seaside, and all along the coast, but we didn't make it to the campgrounds in time, so we were going to try and haggle a cheap room at at the hotel in st george that really isn't that nice.but the woman was a horrible fat bitch and tried to make me pay a $200 cash deposit plus the ridiculous price of the room, so we screwed it and started to scope out the island for a good place to sleep. bad idea, we went off the beaten path without knowing and got my car buried in the sand. so, we spent the next two hours digging a huge hole around my car. we drove the island a couple times and settled on a house with outside access to the widows walk, and slept on the top of the house. in the morning we went back to the spot where we got stuck and its a good thing we didn't sleep there because there were a million mexicans working on the house the next morning, so we drove home that morning, and hung out in tally a few more days. we wished my dad happy birthday on thursday. then friday morning we headed out to st augustine, where we stayed at this crazy hostel called the pirate haus. the guy that owns it is really into pirates and invited us to go to the spanish quarter and sing old shanties with him. we didn't but we listened outside for a minute, thats where erich came up with the maybe-name for our band..."the lash"
well in the hostel we shared a room with a british couple, a french guy, and some fsu kids. appearently one had a fart attack this morning as told by erich, i slept through it. we got out of there at 10.30 and got back around 6 tonight. looooooooong drive. anyway, i'm back and now my fire alarm is beeping like crazy because the battery is dead. oh well, i'll live with it tonight and skip town tomorrow.
thats it....i guess......

8:55pm: my mom suggested that i start recording all the horrible things that professors say and do to me, so here goes:
- "architecture isn't fun, this is a joke, ......a bad joke." -jason, in repsonse to my sketch book
- "i want you all to write an essay telling me why you should still be in this class" - stalker, because i didn't do ONE of the readings
- "do you and your boyfriend sleep naked?"- jason, totally inappropriate in front of the whole class.....for a joke?
...more to come.

10:43am: this weekend went alright. it was valentines and erich's birthday, and i thought i wasn't going to be able to see him, but he came back! and we hung out for a while.. i went out to lunch with paul on sunday to soul veg...II and it was really really good, i wish that there was something like that near campus. bah, but there isn't. i guess that the st. charles deli place has a lot of good veggie food though. ha! tonight is my prying attempt to get a spark between paul and stephanie. they would be so good together. besides, they are both super busy and super stressed, and i think that having someone just to hang out with will relieve a lot of that. that or, they'll both freak out because they'll never see each other, and stress out even more about it. ... but that didn't happen to me i guess, so we'll see....or maybe nothing will happen, and we'll all just go out for a delicious meal....that is not from brittan, because brittan totally blows.... but i hear the meat is good, but i wouldn't know. .
so, i don't think this will be a stressful week, all my teachers are laxing up a lot, i think maybe because the drop date has passed....
who knows...
i gotta go to german...
happy monday..BAH!

11:51pm: aww i'm so proud of erich. he's learning how to argue. i think tonight was the most convincing argument that he has ever said to me. haha i felt like i was back in youth in government. anyway, i was super pissed over the past couple days, but i think its starting to wear off. i actually am in this wierd not so stressed state. but! i'm pretty sure i'm gonna want to kill myself by monday, when i have two midterms, a german essay, AND a jury, that i don't have anything prepared for. but thats alright, thats what i get to do all night tomorrow. i think i just may not sleep for friday.
the show was sold out tonight, it sucked. and i thought that tonight was the night that i was going to die. but i'm alive, and i had fun. plus i finally learned some cs.....i think.

2:12am: today sucked.

9:34pm: i hope our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us. i hope we come up with a fail safe plot to piss off those that forgave us. i hope that the fences we mended fall down beneath their own weight. i hope we hang on past the last exit, i hope its already too late. and i hope the junkyard a few blocks from here someday burns down, and i hope the raising black smoke carried me away and i never come back to this town again. in my life, i hope i lie, and tell everyone you were a wife, and i hope you die, i hope we both die...
i hope i cut myself shaving tomorrrow, i hope it bleeds all day long. our friends say its darkest before the sun rises, we're pretty sure their all wrong. i hope it stays dark forever, i hope the worst isn't over and i hope you blink before i do, and i hope i never get sober. and i hope when you think of me years down the line, you can't find one good thing to say, and i hope if i found the strength to walk out, you'd stay the hell out of my way. and i'm drowning, there is no sign of land, you are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand, and i hope you die, i hope we both die

8:29pm: holy crap, i've been in my room for half an hour (not even) and 3 people have called for my roomie...
so i talked to paul today, and we were talking about breakups, and his last (big) was uncannily the same as me and mike's break up, like he thought that she needed to expirience other people since it was the first relationship she had. also it was a really bad break up.. stuff like that, it was really bizarre.
teehee i saw mike the other day, and he covered his face with his hat, and walked beeline to his class, how silly.
so the more i talk to people, the less it seems that i have people to live with next semester. i think i might start asking around under the couch and see if any of those kids need a roomate or want to set up a house. but its so early in the year so i'm not so concerned yet.
there is going to be a (hopefully) awesome show tomorrow, i have advertised my little butt off, every free moment that i have, but people are still giving me suggestions about how i need to do more, and its starting to get a bit frustrating, because i've given ALL my freetime, except for now, i'm going to go eat though, and then do homework until i go to sleep, so wish me luck...

9:38am: ok so i slept on it tonight, and i still don't feel right about the whole tallahassee situation, why is life always such a bitch. and now when i think i've got things all worked out, i can't help but feel bad about everything.
maybe there was someone else with josh, maybe i can figure that much. who knows, i do hope that him and kelly show up at the end of the month.
i am happy to be back in atlanta though, i feel so much more at home here. last night was really fun, stephanie and ellen, and i watched best in show. i don't think ellen was so much impressed, but me and stephanie laughed our asses off.
haha erich is succumbing to his band and cutting out all the screaming parts of his songs. maybe he should go ahead and form a hardcore band, so he can get all his hardcore anxieties out. its nice being back with him though, even though i've found since i've gotten back my temper has been a little shorter (not only with him, but everyone). and stress has given me an ulcer... actually two ulcers...
oh! so i've finally made a deal with erich, so now i can't give him a hard time about tattoos and he can't give me a hard time about drinking. the deal is, once he gets a tattoo (or piercing) i'll drink with him. but we are stuck in deadlock, he won't get a tatty, so i don't have to worry about drinking. if i decide to do it though, he said we'd go to the caribbean, which is hardly a reason for me to do something that i look so badly down upon. maybe views will change as i get older, but i want to wait a while before i give up my own personal definition of integrity.... haha what a pompous thing to say.
oh! jesus, my mom told me i should smoke weed for my own personal "enlightenment". what i crock a shit, i would drink 500 years before i would ever do that. i can only associated with the people i hated in most in high school and middle school.
haha jacob jacob decided he isn't going to drink anymore because it says it makes him do stupid things. haha i told him he should move to tallahassee to hang out with all the sxe kids. he said he wasn't ready to do that. but i guess all the sxe kids are making their ways out town (from what i heard from josh last night)
oh! adam imed me yesterday, which is weird cause he just wanted to talk. it was nice talking to him though, he's a nice kid, and i think he's gotten a lot nicer after the whole kelsey thing. they aren't talking anymore from what i hear. something about kelsey and jessica smoking over new years????
haha poor stephanie loaned me sick puppy to read. i've been meaning to read it for a really long time, ever since my parents bought it a long time ago. she was so sad that i knew about carl hiaasen. but anyway i'm totally pumped about the book.
i went to pensacola when i was home, i got all the red redone on my tattoo. aww i miss bailey, he's such a cool kid, and he's having anxieties about staying in the tattoo business, but he has so many. but he wants to be a bus driver for greyhound... haha i could only imagine, he's such a small guy. but i guess all the ink could be a little intimidating.
i've taken up minus the bear.
this weekend i'm off to athens with erich to find his phone, which he hid when he wasn't in full mind during new years so no one would steal it. but before we go we're going to make dinner tonight and go see big fish! i can't remember when the last time was that i was so excited about seeing a movie. the other night we got talking about politics and what makes someone happy. all he wants to do is make things, and all i want to do is expirience things ( i mean culture, not subjecting my body to poison). haha it seemed like he had a hard time understanding (he thought that his uncle made a point when he said that there was so much in the united states, and that you never have to leave the states). and i thought about al franken and how he says liberals have an adult love affair with the states, and many conservatives love this country like a 4 year old child. holy shit, we are the romeo and juliet of politics. but i care and he doesn't (i mean about politics)... his dad would flip out if he knew how avid of a liberal i am. all i can hope is this doesn't result in death..teehee.
i got my english teacher backed into a corner today, which is probably bad since its only our third class. he was freaking out about how cultural studies involves taking everything, and how much more important pop culture is than "elitist" culture. but then he was comparing some super hero flick to an oedipal complex, so then i pointed out that cultural studies seems to want to take pop culture and turn it into elitist culture, and never took anything at face value. for example, not taking american wedding at face value, but looking at the plague of young weddings on culture. he didn't really know what to say, but i think to save face he went on about something that made no sense at all. i can't even repeat it.
haha i have so much useless things to say.... the memiors of a college kid.

9:49pm: christmas letter
this seems to suffice for an entry
letter to erich:
hey sweetie, i tried to call you tongiht, but i guess your pone has died, or you have it off. i was just going to see how you were. i got some great stuff today! my parents got me the christopher guest dvd pack. i can't wait, have you seen those? well if not..we'll watch them, they're super funny. and my parents h\gave each other the al franken book, it was really amusing when my mom opened her copy, and thought that she had addressed the present wrong. angel got a cat nip toy and is now completely drugged out. after playing with it ALL day, she has decided to take a nap while sitting on the heat vent and smashing her face into the christmas lights.
haha what a cutie.
so tonight something possessed me to read your journal. and then i started to think to myself. we've had a lot of fun together, and its so much different now then it was when we were first hanging out, but i wouldn't trade anything for it.
i played the rock'em sock 'em gi joes with my parents last night, they beat the shit out of me, i only won once. we'll have to play, they're super fun. speaking of becca though, she has vanished, i talked to her on the internet for a second tonight, i asked her if she wanted to go with me to get my tattoo touched up, but all she said was i don't have any tattoo's it would be weird, and i have a short attention span. what a totally lame excuse. oh well, i thought it would help her take her mind off will being gone, but i guess she's not up for it.
my dad wants to go with me...haha maybe i can talk him into a tattoo, maybe one like my grandpa's (his father) that confesses his love with "sharon" on a heart with an arrow through it. or maybe he's just denying that fact that i have an enormous tattoo on my leg, and will freak out when i tell him what my intentions are in going there. who knows. goddamn i've written a lot. lost track and thought i was writing in my journal..haha maybe this will show up in it. anyway i love you very much and i can't wait to see you in......4 days...mwuahhhh
.jana.
p.s. the al franken book is hilarious, already 70 pages into it......

11:04pm: i've got a skateboard!!!!!

1:49pm: ahhhh i'm so angry right now i'm shaking, this has been the worst weeks i've had here. you'd think since i only have to go to class for two days it would be good, but i've had everyone convincing me how horrible my life is, and i'm beginning to believe it. i just want to go home right now, and not just go home, but not have to worry about studying like crazy like i'm gonna do. i feel like i've got so many people to please right now, it just kinda makes me want to stop. my dream right now is apprenticing at hula moon under bailey. that would be awesome, BUT i can't, its unacceptable in society to have a job like that. (not that i care, but once again i find myself doing everything i can to please my parents) which reminds me, showing them the tatty is going to suck, i'm kinda hoping that by some shred of luck they read this, and know that i already have it. i need a break soon or i'm going to fall into another deep depression.
i hated last night. (i've honestly never looked at pills that way before)

10:17pm: i want to move to sweden forever.
maybe lund institute of technology will accept me...
i'll give it a shot.

7:22pm: holy shit!!
i might have a room to myself next semester!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! soooooo happy!!!!!
...but stressed at the same time because calc is going to kick my ass tomorrow.
oh well, its not dire that i pass this, i just need to get a 45 on the final and i'm golden.
hmm, i wonder is a d is passing calc in coa?

5:40pm:
Your serial killer name would be Diablo! You would
be a mastermind in what you do. You would come
up with perfect plans on how to do your bad
stuff, and send out your minions to do it for
you. That would prevent you from getting
caught, because for one reason, they would not
rat you out. Your real name might not be known
and you would be greatly wanted, because as
long as you're out on the hidden streets, there
will still be danger! You're the big guy/girl!


What Would Your Serial Killer Name Be? What Would the Public Know You As?
brought to you by Quizilla

1:11pm: holy shit.
josh is joining the rangers.

5:38pm: today when i was sitting in calc i thought back to thursday night when me and stephanie and another girl went over to little five. when we were waiting for marta on the way back, stephanie asked me about my spiritual beliefs, and i explained them to her. she understood, but the other girl didn't. she got really pissed and didn't talk for the rest of the night. so, anyway, today in calc i think i figured out why they always get so angry. my logic makes sense to them, and they don't want to think that they may have been following something they don't believe in for so long. or maybe they realized that there is more than one answer..she got really mad when i said that everyone is wrong, no one knows the right answer until they die, and maybe they think that i am unjustly calling them wrong, but i'm calling myself wrong too...so the lesson: don't get so offended or pissed off, take life in stride, and don't feel sorry for me, because then i may feel sorry for you.

10:36pm: this weekend has been an eye opener for me. i realized some stuff about myself that isn't so good. my life has been pretty empty up until this point. i've had fun...well except for the few years that i fell into depression, but it makes me realize that i need to do something that i can think back on. but the question is...what is it. what can i do thats going to make me think of how much i enjoyed life. of course i have, but when i try to pinpoint what it is, i can't.
or..maybe i should try and figure out what has impeded me...
halloween didn't live up to itself..... the only complaint i have about this place is the drinking. i won't do it, but i get this absolutely terrible feeling about it. kinda like my 5000 word paper (by the way, i'm having a really hard time with) i feel like its something that i have to do, an obligatiion, and i KNOW that i don't have to, but i can't shake the feeling. its absolutely horrible. kinda made me wish that i could have been home this weekend. i think i may go back for halloween next year if it is on a weekend. god dammit why does everyone have to drink here. i'm so happy when i don't have to deal with it., but when i do it brings me down for a couple days. bah the only people that don;t drink around here are some of the crazy baptists and nadine.
maybe i am some sort of wierd social masicist...i seem to always follow the path less trod, and ots always led me somewhere i don't want to be. imagine that, a kid that likes hardcore, and studies...got me in trouble in tallahassee, and now here everyone thinks i am weird because i don't want to drink...ha! i'm destined to be an outcast forever....
i need to get back to work before i explode.
sorry.... i have to bitch somewhere.

9:42am: it feels like saturday...but it isn't! oh well, i had the craziest say yesterday, and teh craziest dream last ngiht. i found out that i am passing calc with a good grade..and 81, thats better than i did most of the time in ma. ha! there's also some weird news going around. new $20- technicolor, its so crazy looking. you can now say fuck on the radio, and there is some terminally ill kid in tampa that is going to kill himself on stage at some metal goth show. i wwnt to the study abroad fair yesterday, and my heart is now in lund, sweden, and weimer germany, i want to go sooooo bad, oh! erich is lookng for a year long job in sweden now, that would be fun, too bad the language is sooooo crazy. the classes there look so cool though, i really need to sit down with TROY WHYTE and discuss my future. i also found two awesome roomates for next year, now all i need is a really cool house that is cheap, and falls right into my lap!...and the dream, i joined the armed forces, and in order to train, you have to jog for two years, so i started and after two days into it, the orieles (baseball team?) decided to sign me, and the army said that it would replace my two year jog!
erich is so handsome.

2:27pm: so much has happened, and i've been too busy to talk about them. this weekend i was taken to a kegger in athens, can't say i had too much fun (but driving a BMW without a speedometer is pretty exciting!) then erich and i had a brief convo about whether tattoos or drinnking as a college age kid is worth (that was wierd, i don't know how that got started). lets see, the rest of the weekend was awesome though! we went out to eat..REAL FOOD such a treat! and we just had a really wild time in general..haha hey becca i'll graphically tell you all about it. hmm...what else, i met some pretty cool kids, i only found out one of their names though. but i think i came across a revelation this weekend....if a kid here is cool, it means that they are really close to graduating, there aren't cool freshman, and if there are, they are really aweome at hiding. blah. i'm such a lazy bum, i fell asleep after class today and i ended up sleeping until 1, that three and a half hours. good lord, i was going to be soooo productive, ha oh well, this is my lazy day for the month. woohoo! i'm slowly learning bass, it makes me feel a lot better to actually play with music. speaking of music, i think i might have to break all of carolyn's christian cds, not because they are christian, but these guys deem it completely necessary to make really really crappy music.
can't wait to come home this weekend, i need warm clothes soo bad, its gotten so cold so fast. i hope it snows this winter! that would be soo cool, but i did just realize i'm not really going to be here during prime snow time. i need to figure out how to make some money over christmas. i figured this summer i could get a job serving at nights, i think i could handle that on top of takinig two classes at tcc, or fsu, or where ever. i need to talk to them about taking classes over the summer, ha! maybe i should tell them i'm an AP scholar and they should let me take classes for free.
so our flight is coming in on saturday! yay erich is coming again, and by the way, we're going to kick ass at cranium this time....

8:16pm:

10:21pm:


awwww

10:19pm:

8:09pm: oh teehee my glasses come in on tuesday.

....just call me four eyes....